Date 84 - Express Lane

originally posted Tuesday, January 17, 2006

M is yet another in the endless parade of random internet men. He's been chatting me up for ages now, probably going on a year. We've even spoken on the phone before. Every once in awhile he gets a wild hair and pushes to meet me in person.

Today was his lucky day.

With the way things have been plodding along with J, I figured I could use a little spike of adrenaline. I've got job interviews and executive pitches to make for work this week. It's high stress and my self esteem could use a little boost. Nothing like an extra deposit of confidence in the ego account to put a little swagger in your step.

I was nervous though. As soon as I realized I was going to do this my hands went cold and I started to sweat. The ongoing flirtation with M is fun and men never measure up to their online personas. A part of me wants to get it over with though so there won't be any impropriety when (if?) things continue to progress with J. I took some solace in knowing this was just going to be a "quickie". I had an appointment to go to afterwards, so we agreed to keep it brief. A drive-by date, if you will.

I strolled into Whole Foods in the Arboretum and pushed my way through the patchouli scented crowd towards the sandwich counter. How on earth is it this crowded in the middle of the day? Don't these hippies work for a living? He saw me first. I expected he would since he's seen more pictures of me.

No matter how many times I do this, I never cease to be amazed at how wildly men differ from their pictures in real life. Are they kings of Photoshop? Royalty of retouching? Clearly there was never any reason to get worked up.

I remind myself that I'm wearing clogs so I'm probably clocking in at 6' even. M is still taller than me but he's slouchy and not the 6'5" he claimed. He's .... well.... how to put this? It could have been an optical illusion with the clothes he was wearing, but he's oddly shaped. A doughy physique must be an occupational hazard for musical composers.

He's obviously brilliant. His wit is as evident in person as online. We have some kind of sado-masochistic spark but the whole date feels more odd and awkward for me. He's much more into this than I am. I'm curious but a bit freaked. He's just enjoying this and hoping for more. I'm just wishing I could go back to the time when his rich dreamy caramel voice was all I knew of him.