Date 80 - Tyrannosaurus Wreck

originally posted Tuesday, March 07, 2006

My recent work has been so well received by the muckety mucks that I almost have a little free time. Not really, but compared to la vida loca, it seems that way. Heck, my elbows are even healing! So, when T asked if I had time to grab some sushi last night after work, and I realized I actually could spare an hour or two, I thought, "why not?".

Since this was going to be a completely impromptu blind date, I didn't feel like much additional effort was warranted regarding my appearance. I did a little retouch on my makeup and I was still fairly presentable from my day at the office. I'd already changed into play clothes and felt fine about that. Cute skirt and sandals, very casual.

I arrived a few minutes ahead of schedule and was perusing the list of UT informal classes while waiting for him. They've got the beginner's golf class I was hoping for, but who knows... maybe I'll try breakdancing instead. You never know when you're going to have a dance-off in the streets old school style like Electric Boogaloo.

I saw T arrive and painstakingly park his late model silver muscle car.

He walked into the restaurant and I felt it.

It was electric.
I knew in an instant.

This was going to be painful.

He wasn't equipped for this date. It wasn't fair. I'm usually not one to make snap judgements; I'm much more open minded. I have warmed up to people that I felt no connection with. Heck, the Snake completely alienated me on our first date, and not only did I give him another chance, I eventually fell for him! I can tell right off the bat though. T is basic addition for first grade while I'm a quadratic equation... with lots of exponents.

The first thing I noticed was his mechanical stiffness. The second thing I noticed was his oddly shaped head. Kind of like a volleyball that was a little deflated, as if the bottom his face was slowly leaking air. He shook my hand and I'm not sure what was going on there... perhaps he had purchased a shirt with extra long sleeves? His hand was covered by the cuff. Maybe they were french cuffs that were too sophisticated for him? It gave the impression that he must have tiny withered arms like a tyrannasaurus rex.

We walked to our table and ordered two glasses of plum wine. My friends will tell you that I only occasionally partake of adult beverages, but I didn't hesitate for an instant. It was clear that I would need all the help I could get in order to navigate this date for the both of us. I ordered our sushi and let the punishment begin.

He droned on about his work for the government... it's NOT interesting. I have a feeling this guy could suck the fun and fascination out of even the sexiest of topics. I prodded him along. He mentioned his hobby of racing his car on a local track. Great - a hobby! I can work with this! But no, now we've somehow regressed to his weekly bible study group. Fantastic. He's very active within his Southern Baptist community.

No, really, I'm glad that he's found Jesus. I just realize that I've been snookered. This guy isn't even slightly related to the impression he was trying to give online. I knew in a heartbeat that we were worlds apart. I'm sure he's got a good heart and is a very good person. My world isn't necessarily better than his; he's just in a galaxy far, far away from mine.

We survive dinner and I'm attempting a jedi mind trick on the waiter so he'll bring the check and I can back to my life. After waiting several moments listening to him chatter about his ex wife, while he took no notice of the check whatsoever, I fished out my credit card and plunked it down on the table to stop the insanity.

He snapped back to reality and asked, "Oh, we're going to split this, aren't we?" Thought to self: "Well, I actually thought you might buy since you asked me, but I'm willing to consider this a penalty tax for going out with a clueless dolt like you." He puts in a $20. It won't be enough to cover his half with tip, but I'm happy not to be buying for both of us anymore.

T is a good guy... he's just clueless and a little awkward. He's kind enough to ask if he can escort me to my car, and I'm happy to see that his mama brought him up right afterall. It was nice to meet him, even if he's not for me. I'll say a little prayer that a good, simple woman comes his way soon.