NutraSweet
It's the first weekend in ages that I wasn't stuck working. I went to a birthday happy hour on Friday night, took in a new flick and caught up with some friends at a local watering hole. Saturday morning I hit the gym and used the rest of the day to catch up on much neglected domestic chores like scaling Mt. Laundry and doing a little Mr. Miagi action on my convertible. (Finally paid for, thanks to all the freelance work!)
Spring is in the air and my hard work was rewarded with a wonderful and relaxing Sunday. I took the dog for her usual morning jaunt to catch up on p-mail while I listened to mp3s on my groovy new cell phone. It's such a luxury to finally have a phone that works!
I called him from the park to see if he was up for breakfast. He's like a favorite pair of sweatpants that you've had since college. Comfortable, dependable, broken in and soft against the skin. Not quite pants, not quite pajamas. Somewhere in between. He's like a boyfriend stunt double.
He's NutraSweet. I know it's not real sugar, but it still tastes just as sweet. As an ex, he's familiar with the territory and knows his way around. He's a good guy and a good friend. I still love him, but not in the way I did before. It's a different kind of love. Phil Collins might call it a "groovy kind of love".
He knows all my scars and for the most part treats them with care and the delicacy of a parent who kisses a "boo-boo" when a child skins a knee. I try to reciprocate when I can. There's a comfort in knowing him and having the history we do, but also knowing that we'll never be anything beyond what we are right now... and that when one of us becomes involved, even this will change. That will be sad and I know that day is just around the corner.
As we brunched, I was delighted to find a marachino cherry in the bottom of my mimosa glass. It was going to be a good day! Two or three more mimosas guaranteed it. A nap, a foot massage and a shower before we were off to run some errands in the convertible, enjoying the breeze and lush new ear candy in the CD player.
We took the long way home.
I sang most of the way.
Spring is in the air and my hard work was rewarded with a wonderful and relaxing Sunday. I took the dog for her usual morning jaunt to catch up on p-mail while I listened to mp3s on my groovy new cell phone. It's such a luxury to finally have a phone that works!
I called him from the park to see if he was up for breakfast. He's like a favorite pair of sweatpants that you've had since college. Comfortable, dependable, broken in and soft against the skin. Not quite pants, not quite pajamas. Somewhere in between. He's like a boyfriend stunt double.
He's NutraSweet. I know it's not real sugar, but it still tastes just as sweet. As an ex, he's familiar with the territory and knows his way around. He's a good guy and a good friend. I still love him, but not in the way I did before. It's a different kind of love. Phil Collins might call it a "groovy kind of love".
He knows all my scars and for the most part treats them with care and the delicacy of a parent who kisses a "boo-boo" when a child skins a knee. I try to reciprocate when I can. There's a comfort in knowing him and having the history we do, but also knowing that we'll never be anything beyond what we are right now... and that when one of us becomes involved, even this will change. That will be sad and I know that day is just around the corner.
As we brunched, I was delighted to find a marachino cherry in the bottom of my mimosa glass. It was going to be a good day! Two or three more mimosas guaranteed it. A nap, a foot massage and a shower before we were off to run some errands in the convertible, enjoying the breeze and lush new ear candy in the CD player.
We took the long way home.
I sang most of the way.
posted by Master Dater @ 10:03 PM
2 Comments:
At 3:34 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hi MD,
It sounds like all your hard work is paing off. Lunch's and a convertible - all that working, you must be doing something right to now 100% debt free owna convertable and still be able to get a new phone and enjoy your weekends without living off baked bean cans :-)
I love this blog as always, I have read alot but still have such a long way to go before i am finnished and i am so excitted to keep going. I am enjoying watching you grow through your words. Your blog is many things to me at the moment :-) Firstly is a motivation that gets me on the computer to study- although it is a massive distraction when i have been sitting here since 3 and it is now 6.30 and i have only done 1.25 hrs work- haha, well better then nothing but maybe i shouldn't be missing lectures to come and read blogs :-) But ostly it is a hope that my broken heart will mend soon adn that there is a way to find others that will treat me better out there. As my ex's birthday approached, mine having just gone after we recently broken up and him messaging me, i don't want to message him for his birthday as i need the distance to finalise that it is over in my head, but as he messaged me i don't want to be a cold bitch. I contemplate whether he was just insensitive and didn't mean to come across so cold towards the end of our relationship or if he is just the biggest asshole going and expected me to do things that would put me in legal trouble in order to use me. I'm finding it so hard to move on from this and am so happy i'm going to speak to professional on Thursday to try to get my head around the constant negative chatterbox that keeps beating in my head- it is driving me insane. I hope i heal from this and don't remained to scared... I have no idea how to move on and feel so fragile that i am on the edge of going downhill or somthing will spark to have my attitude change and me grow and become stronger because of this. I hate the fact i have grown so dependent on others to make me feel this way and weak and vulnerable. I look forward to settling into my new place so i can organise myself and my life to start working on some goals.
Well i best be off so as to not be late to meet my friend for coffee. Have a lovely night and thanks for keeping me company for the afternoon.
Regards, A
At 1:50 PM,
Master Dater said…
Dearest A,
I hope things get better for you, and I'm glad you've made arrangements to speak with someone. It'll help.
When that negative chatter starts going, ask yourself if you would say the same things to a friend. I'm betting the answer is no, because you'd be kinder.
Remember to be gentle with yourself.
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