Holy Matrimony!
I attended yet another wedding last night. It was beautiful. The bride was radiant, the groom relaxed and joyful. They're a wonderful couple and I can easily visualize them happily growing old together. They fit like interlocking pieces. Although I knew them when they first began dating, they've always seemed this way to me.
The best man, my ex-boyfriend, was adorable in his tux, even if he did look a bit uncomfortable. I don't think he's ever worn so many layers of such restrictive clothing in his life. Poor dear. I was a bit wistful at the reception, seeing him at the wedding party's table and later dancing with him. There was a time when I thought we might be headed down the aisle ourselves and it's been tough to watch our friends pair off. We're the only couple in that social circle who didn't make it but I'm thankful that we've navigated to the comfortable intimacy of a close friendship. It's far better than our relationship ever was.
I was just about the only single woman in attendance last night. Although, with this particular group there's no real pressure around that because I'm completely accepted as I am, I still felt a smidgeon of the "old maid" pity. Maybe it was self inflicted. I couldn't help but look around and notice another lone singleton.
She has a sweet and friendly demeanor and poodle hair that was the height of fashion circa 1987. There's a faint essence of church lady that emanates from her. Is this my future? I recognize on a rational level that we're on opposite ends of the personality spectrum... but this woman is well educated and genuinely nice. Just like the bride.
For a moment, I think that I need to find a way to file down the serrated edge of my personality. Then I think maybe it has less to do with my personality than with expectations. No matter how wonderful a man is, I have a hard time accepting the idea of spending the rest of my life with him. Maybe it has less to do with the guy than the idea of just setting my life on a firm course that won't vary, with a co-pilot who has his own ideas on where we should be heading.
The bride doesn't have this concern. Her vows rolled off her tongue and there was an impressive firmness of conviction in her unwavering voice. If it was me, I might have passed out, or bolted like the runaway bride.
The best man, my ex-boyfriend, was adorable in his tux, even if he did look a bit uncomfortable. I don't think he's ever worn so many layers of such restrictive clothing in his life. Poor dear. I was a bit wistful at the reception, seeing him at the wedding party's table and later dancing with him. There was a time when I thought we might be headed down the aisle ourselves and it's been tough to watch our friends pair off. We're the only couple in that social circle who didn't make it but I'm thankful that we've navigated to the comfortable intimacy of a close friendship. It's far better than our relationship ever was.
I was just about the only single woman in attendance last night. Although, with this particular group there's no real pressure around that because I'm completely accepted as I am, I still felt a smidgeon of the "old maid" pity. Maybe it was self inflicted. I couldn't help but look around and notice another lone singleton.
She has a sweet and friendly demeanor and poodle hair that was the height of fashion circa 1987. There's a faint essence of church lady that emanates from her. Is this my future? I recognize on a rational level that we're on opposite ends of the personality spectrum... but this woman is well educated and genuinely nice. Just like the bride.
For a moment, I think that I need to find a way to file down the serrated edge of my personality. Then I think maybe it has less to do with my personality than with expectations. No matter how wonderful a man is, I have a hard time accepting the idea of spending the rest of my life with him. Maybe it has less to do with the guy than the idea of just setting my life on a firm course that won't vary, with a co-pilot who has his own ideas on where we should be heading.
The bride doesn't have this concern. Her vows rolled off her tongue and there was an impressive firmness of conviction in her unwavering voice. If it was me, I might have passed out, or bolted like the runaway bride.
posted by Master Dater @ 9:22 AM
2 Comments:
At 1:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
damn her. i could damn her a little more if in addition to being a radiant bride she were also a size 2. (that's jealousy talking)
seriously, i look at people like that too and wonder what it is they have figured out that i DON'T.
i want a husband who lives in the house next door.
At 3:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hey MD,
I don't know if i believe in happily ever after- i am still trying to understand this in my own head. The thought of commiting to someone forever once the glam wears off and the honeymoon is over really kind of depresses me. Suppose not something i should be stressing about in my early twenties.
It would have beenr eally hard to watch an ex marry a friend, you have some guts and strength girl!
And again it seems you feel the same way i do about marriage- it's funny how i say something just before you say the same thing.
Is tracy your friend? maybe that naswers my question that some of your friends do read your blog :-)
Regards, A
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