Of Drama Kings and other things
One of the many adored men in my life sent me an awesome article on Drama Kings. The article isn't even so much about these strangelings... it's about the hard rockin', fiercely strong women who have to deal with these yahoos.
As I read it, I recognized more than one guy I've been involved with (the Nublet, the Snake, and the latest: Tattoo) and it was wonderful to realize the truth. As much as dealing with them sucked, I did emerge even stronger than before. It's also getting much easier to walk away. I'm just not willing to take the more difficult aspects of my being or my personality and tamp them down or suck it up to be with a man. Especially one that's weaker than me, incapable of real intimacy or just full of general chaos and drama. Who needs it? I'm just not interested, life is too short but good and I love who I am.
I also really love and adore men. I work with wonderful men all day long. I've got lots of awesome male friends. I'm lucky to have such really great guys in my life. They seem to love and adore me as much as I do them. They accept the whole of me; they just don't seem to wind up in the romantic / relationship area of my life.
I was questioning the amount of effort and energy I've been putting into the quest of 100 First Dates recently. I felt like it's taken over too much. Normal people don't put this much effort into things, why do I? One of these wonderful men responded, "because you've already done everything else; having a healthy and meaningful intimate relationship is on your list of things to do." He also reminded me that by going through this, I'm learning so much more about myself, regardless of what happens with any of the men.
The majority of my "issues" with men would probably be solved if I could just be more Zen and accept the impermanence of love these days. There's a Buddhist exercise about detachment that basically has you imagine anything (anyone?) you love in ruins so that you won't be too attached to things and will really appreciate them "in the now". A favorite vase that you love? It's in shards on the floor. A gorgeous car? Completely wrecked. Life still goes on and is just as beautiful.
A woman interviewed in the article (divorced and happily living alone) hit the nail on the head when she said this:
"I'm not saying forever on this - I love men, I love sex. I love being in love. But I've found the notion of one man way more appealing than the reality of being with any of the men I've been out with."
All I can say to that is "Amen, sister! Amen." 
posted by Master Dater @ 12:22 PM
4 Comments:
At 1:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hi MD,
great to be back on the net and continue reading your blog :-) First of all let me check what a Drama King is- i am imagining it is something like Drama Queen- brb.
I am liking the links too by the way. Because i am in Australia and haven't travelled in my life much so far all the links to different websites that show a way of living in another country and can give me some idea of the different societies are fantastic :-)
Wow i feel like this women is talking to me, this link is a great article, i am enjoying reading it. I think an attitude like this and the ability to write so well, this lady really adds spark to girls becoming more independent and faminism on the rise :-) This is a fantastic link MD, great material, i am going to send the link to all of my close girlfriends. With posting this link, for those that have read this post of your you have more then likely inspired them and given them courage to go on when things are really down in there lives :-) Good on you!
I have just realised i am reading the article from the second page where your link takes me to. I want to read the whole article so i go back and flick to the start, i wont't be so muddled now, i will be back soon haha, this may take a while and will entertain me all afternoon reading this. There are some fabulous reading material out there and this book sounds amazing. I always be careful what i read though as i like to be a critical thinker and i like to know about the person who is writing great statements to see what research and evidence they have done to back up their opinion- i am looking forward to finding out about this author.
Wow so it's the first chapter- i am going to loan this book from the library and - i don't usually do with books because i read so much- if i can't get it from the library, damn i'm gunna buy it!!!!
Step aside "he's just not that into you" book which i always thought was about you realising you have been chasing him and excepting that he doesn't want you.... poor you, this book is about you being the one choosing, I love it! It will be hard for me to study for the next hour thinking of this and the excitement to stop in an hours time to read the article.
She is so true in what she says. even the consitioning little girls get by playing with their barbies and their dollies and dreaming about getting married and living in their own house as they have watched their mother make the house look lovely and fuss over their father's all their lives - not all families but i am willing to guess more then 60%. I love what Annabel sais that men are welcome in her life but they will never replace the lifestyle that she loves. This is one independent, strong and sensible women who i believe is going places. I can understand why men are going back in time as women grow- they are scared they are loosing their power, stands to reason that they would become defensive and more macho. I belive evolution should look out for some interesting times ahead as men must have to somehow come to one day the confusion of their sex role as we don't need them for anything other then children anymore. Maybe we will get nicer guys because they will realise they have to really special in order for us to want them and lets face it men can't live without sex, it controls them, at least a women can ignore this urge in order to be sensible and see the bigger picture. From what i always remember girls around me starting to say "all the good ones are taken" like we all must be searching for a goodone, throw the ball into the other field and let them chase us! Let the competition be on their heads as they have to compete to be with you, your wonderful, independent fantastic self, moving ahead in leaps and bounds on your own.
*****continued next comment*****
At 1:51 AM,
Anonymous said…
I want to learn to truly believe this, and not just put on a front that i do and even to myself when my unconscious really feels desperate, unloved and in need of a man. I believe this will make me a much stronger person, more determined to reach my goals and strong enough to be able to recognise and deal with distractions and obstacles that try to get in the way!
A quick question what does solvency mean?
I love this quote "She is willing to hold out longer for the kind of relationship she wants -- that, or go it alone."
It seems that biology is changing. Either this or social roles and conditioning from the beginning of ages. Women who traditionally put the other before themselves are now becoming the same as men have always been to put themselves first- and why shouldn't they- why shouldn't any man or woman want to put themselves first before others, make themselves happy. Otherwise they can't be in control of their lives and be truly giving without expecting something in return as they are constently giving to please the other and if the other rejects then they change in order to please the other- hardly sensible for the giver is it. What type of life would you lead and how much would you regret at the end of your beautiful journey?
That is such a powerful powerful powerful article!!!!! I am so glad you posted the link.
I am going to continue reading this great blog of yours-..........
If you re-read this blog MD, Do you still feel how you describe in the paragraph after reading the blog? After all your experiences i am yet to read about?
**** Continued next comment*****
At 1:51 AM,
Anonymous said…
The paragraph MD where you question why you were putting so much effort into this- to me it sounds like you want to learn alot about yourself, which you are doing and learn to become stronger which you are also doing so don't worry that you feel overwhelmed or like you are wasting your time- I suggest you reflect on your previous blogs and it might become apparent to you how much you have grown and how far you have really come. I can identify that you have come to point on the journey of your ultimate goal where you are doubting yourself- i also do this and this is the time where i am most vulnerable to give up. I think though for me as it seems for you too, well to me anyway, that you were at the start looking forward to succeeding and accomplishing and excitted and then you become fear of failure- why is this though??? Becuase the excitment dies down and you then see your fabulous goal as a chore or job that you must complete and you start to become affraid of failing, maybe becuase you then will feel like you have let yourself down. I am guessing that you go through a couple of these periods as you grow and get closer to the 100 dates. Both because you fear failure even more because you have put so much effort into your goal and also because maybe you become fear of succeeding- which sounds crazy but i can really relate to it. How can you ever be saitisfied if you have everything? just as much as if you have nothing and aren't satisfied because you want more. If you have everything life would be boring. I think the drive is biological to keep us going, i don't know whether one can ever be satisfied unless they master living in the present. I am wanting to type you a quote that is a favourite of mine and always comes up in my memory time and time again- The end result is not what is important.... it is the journey that is the most precious gift.
I think the buddhist exercise is excellent! Just a question though if you ended up trying it.... did you end up living in fear though if you always imagined the worst? I am thinking of trying it but am always so worried about whatifs that i don't want to turn myself into a paranoid mess hahahah?
I have really enjoyed your blog today and has gotten me right through my study session- bless you hun (and i am not even religious haha)
I am having a great day today. I overcome a fear of going past my ex boyfriends house as i can go that way to uni. I had this horrible anxiety about it. I haven't run into him yet and am dreading seeing him next time. Last time we were together and the next time i see him we weren't. I feel i am missing the middle transition part where i break up and walk out but i didn't have the courage to do this and i just left, collecting my stuff later when i had arranged with him via text that he wouldn't be there. He was too cowardly anyway because my friends and family were coming to help me get my stuff and he didn't want to have to face them with what he knew i would tell them certain ways he treated me. But even still MD i am not satisfied, maybe i should take a notice of my own advice :-) now that i have gone past his house i feel i won't be satisfied until i have knocked on his door and collected my mail that is there with my head heald high and facing him. But then after this i probably won't be satisfied and proud of myself until i do something even more unthinkable and anxiety provoking - and so the list goes on....
I can definately relate.
Have a lovely night and i look forward to reading again tomorrow
regards, A
At 10:48 AM,
Master Dater said…
Dear A,
To answer your questions:
- If you re-read this blog MD, Do you still feel how you describe in the paragraph after reading the blog? After all your experiences i am yet to read about?
Yes, I do still very much feel this way. Perhaps even more than when I wrote this.
Regarding the Buddhist exercise - it's a good thing. In my experience it doesn't make you fear things, it frees you FROM fear so you can get on with life. You imagine the end of something and realize life will still go on. You don't cling or clutch at things as much enjoy them in the here and now.
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