Date 92 - An object lesson in how not to be
After about a month of scheduling difficulties, I finally met C. for coffee last night. He was a fairly attractive guy but was grayer, shorter and heavier than advertised... and fairly unpleasant to boot.
I'm not sure if he was disappointed in my appearance, nervous or intimidated, but I now FULLY understand the importance of being mentally ready to date. There's a certain psyching up that one has to go through to get in the game. He had clearly not done that. I'm actually wondering if I've put other people through this same grudging experience myself; I truly hope not.
From a glance, he looked well adjusted and normal enough, but whatever he's been through in life (I'm guessing his last relationship) had taken its toll on him. He seemed hollow. It didn't matter what the topic of conversation was. This guy was determined to be down on himself - he found a way to spin everything into a kamikaze death spiral and was hell bent on returning to any previous topic of conversation (tangents be damned!) in order to wring the last drop of life from it, dig a hole and bury it.
What I couldn't figure out was why I continued to try to coax him out of his shell. His body language was screaming defense and yet I continued to throw him compliments in our conversation and try to build up his confidence like a kindergarten teacher rooting for him to learn his ABC's. I'm not sure if I wanted him to like me or just to like himself a little more.
Thank god I had a second date with T lined up for later in the evening. The stench of a crappy date like this can linger for days like bad seafood, so at least my pending second date with T would function as a squeeze of lemon juice and counteract the pungent aroma of Negative Man still clinging to my aura.
posted by Master Dater @ 12:14 PM
1 Comments:
At 12:50 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hi HD,
this sounds like a horrible experience- like he made you feel you weren't up to his standards- so not very nice.
You seem like such a possitive person which is great. I am so down at the moment- I can't get over the fact that i feel that i have just left the love of my love- he could of changed couldn't he????? (retorical question, just in case you think i'm crazy). He's confused me so much because for all the shit things that he said and did to me the little things that he did seems to take all these shadows away. It's so hard when you are stuck on the idea of a person and the idea of a certain future with them. Heartbreak is horrible, i trully wonder how one copes, no wonder their are so many people with mental problems my goodness. I was so weak that i didn't even have the courage to face him after i left. We had a massive fight and then he went out and i just left (we were livign together after only a month) love is so so blind. I haven't seen him since as my mum came up to resue me and help me bring all my stuff back to my parents house. He made sure he wasn't home so things were easier and since this time i haven't even seen him. All i found was a letter in my boxes i had packed saying "what have you done, all the things we planned and you didn't even want to try" amounst other things. Talk about me feeling guilty, unsure and regretful for not having the strength to communicate with him. I dread the next time i see him - why am i such a weak person all the bloody time- i am a nice person, i don't do bad things. How does one try to dodge fear and anxiety all the time and ever get anywhere. Panic attacks are so horrible though do you get anywhere if you face them or do you drop dead on the spot from a pulpitating heart that has worked overtime?
Enough of me rambling on - to myself actually.
Regards, A
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