Greetings from the land of big hair, fake boobs and relentless cheerleaders

I was headed down south to drop the dog at the petsitter and handling last minute business by cell phone when she got that look. Rush hour traffic and my dog do not mix. Somehow I managed to divert her in time; she narrowly missed getting sick on my briefcase (thank god!). Leaving her broke my heart, especially knowing how much MORE time I'm about to be away from her with interviews and 5 weeks of upcoming international projects. As I started to leave, she broke free and tried to chase the car as I backed out of the driveway. My heart shattered.

I thought I'd save some time by flying to Dallas yesterday ... well, maybe not time since flying and driving are about equal when factoring in airport security, but at least gain some productivity, avoid another speeding ticket and needless mileage on my jalopy. The flight was delayed over an hour though, so scratch that productivity gain... and add in a concussion from the poor placement of seating at gate 10 and the handrail strategically placed directly behind my head. Ouch!

I did however meet an interesting Italian woman who is connecting me with free triathalon training. Before you break into hysterical laughter, let me clarify, it's a mini... the Danskin. And you are allowed to walk instead of run. My dislocating kneecap wouldn't tolerate anything else.

Thank god the day is almost over. It's certainly been a Monday, although I think I got most of my gremlins out of the way last night. I was on the computer past 2:30 dealing with tech support in India before finally giving up the fight. Exhausted, I fell into bed to catch a few hours of sleep. When my wakeup call rang at 6:00, I was so disoriented that I kept trying to answer the remote control.

Somewhere Between Agony and Optimism

Someone recently asked me what I want... what I'm looking for in a relationship and what I want out of life. I didn't have any concrete answers and maybe that's a problem. A lack of vision. Maybe I've been afraid of disappointment - that by hoping for something specific I'd be devastated when it didn't arrive. For instance, I've never really thought about children. I know I don't want to be a single mother, and since there's no significant other on the horizon, it's never seemed pertinent. What if I do want kids? What then?

Somewhere between agony and optimism...
I heard that line on a network TV drama tonight. I love the way it sums things up. I feel like I'm being tested right now. I said goodbye to a great guy that had potential and we'd barely even said hello.

We'd been out a couple of times when he told me how much he really liked me and that he wanted to keep dating me. I felt the same.
He told me some unmentionable things he'd like to do to me; I was interested.
He told me he didn't want to be involved in a serious relationship and I heard him. Game over.

He inquired later that night what I thought about what he'd said. My response: "I think you're great, and I'm definitely attracted to you, but I don't think we're in the same place." He even called a week later about a date, evidently the message, so softly delivered, didn't quite sink in the first time.

There was a time when that would have been enough for me, when I could have just been in it for a little fun, a diversion, a "good time"... but it's just not enough anymore. I've been down that road and it's a dead end. I know if I spend enough time with someone I like, I'm going to become attached. I think I'd rather be alone than waste my time with someone who isn't really available. I don't have alot of room in my life as it is... better to leave what little space I have for someone real, than to fill it with artificial sweetener.